The Engagement Ring and Its Past

Mr. Cowboy Boot and his family haven't always been on the best of terms (no one's fault, in particular). Tumultuous teenage years can often send children and their parents in unwieldy directions. I know mine did. But, I also happen to come from a family that is overly-communicative (read: two psychologist parents), therefore most of our problems (read: my teenage angst) were solved by the time I left for college. Mr. CB and his family, however, had a harder go of it.

That is, until recently.

FIL Cowboy Boots' Dog, Lily 

When we lived in New York City, we went up to his parent's house to get away from the grime and grit that Manhattan can be. They live in the rolling countryside of the Finger Lakes region. It's amazing, quite frankly. The more and more we visited, the more I could feel the walls break down and warmer feelings come through. It wasn't so much that either party had shifted their views or that deep, problem-fixing conversations were taking place, but that, with a fourth party in the relationship (me), the dynamic was changing. It was no longer only a relationship between them and their son. They were getting to know me and us, as the Cowboy Boots together, and that took vulnerability on all of our parts. But, with time, it's opened up the door a little for emotion, risks, talking about things, and becoming closer.

The FIL Cowboy Boots' Home

The peace-making moment was this: FMIL Cowboy Boot gave her son (Mr. CB) her mother's engagement ring to give to me. Mr. CB's parent's are divorced and the FMIL Cowboy Boot I mention here is his step-mom. A lot of families pass jewelry down the line, creating heirlooms, which I love. For FMIL CB, this was more difficult than for most. Her mom passed away when she was six. This platinum-and-diamond ring has much more value to her than probably most of the jewelry in her jewelry box. And not because of the metal.

The Engagement Ring

The ring arrived one day via FedEx (Mr. CB didn't have it when he proposed) and I waited until we were together that evening to open it up. The ring that arrived wasn't exactly what I was expecting with curly-cues and thin, fragile details--it was art deco-yet simple and elegant,and  originally from Brooklyn (our old stomping grounds). I slipped it on (okay, after three re-sizings) and, even though it wasn't the e-ring I had in mind, it has major symbolism, and aesthetically, I love its classic simplicity.

(Ignore my silly face)

Along with the ring came a very caring card from FMIL Cowboy Boot. To give us something so near and dear to her was a symbol of how much she cares about their relationship (which is now all of our relationship). It makes me proud to wear an heirloom that would have many stories to tell if it could talk--stories of hard times, good times, lonely times and loving times. It's a daily reminder that life is not easy, but it's a whole lot easier with a few words and a little generosity.

Does anything in your wedding have back story?

The Search Begins...Part One

Two months and three states. That is what it took to finally find the barn for our reception. Because Mr. Cowboy Boot and I come from opposite sides of the country, we had to come up with a solution for who would travel. Would my family go from Los Angeles to New York? Would his go from New York to California? Would they meet somewhere in the middle? Neither of us has a family that is particularly larger than the other. For monetary reasons, it would be easier for my family to travel from California to the East Coast. Thus, my Google search from New Mexico was kicked off to find the perfect barn on the East Coast.

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I combed through New York's resources and abused the terms "New York," "Barn," and "Wedding" in search engines. But nothing I came across felt right. We were a month out from our engagement party, which was to be held in New York, so we knew we'd be able to visit venues, but only a few since we had limited time.

The Amee Farm, Pittsfield, VT

The first place I got stuck on was Riverside Farms in Vermont, about a five hour drive from Mr. CB's hometown. This is a venue that flies somewhat under the radar, unlike Round Barn Farm, which is beautiful but a bit of a wedding factory. Three-hundred acre Riverside Farms not only has one wedding barn, they have four and a meadow protected by a small mountain. It's secluded and full of antiques and completely not manufactured. I loved it. The price, well, I didn't love that as much. That said, the owners told me about a property they owned down the road called The Amee Farm (pictured above) which wasn't on as much land but included a 16-

bedroom farmhouse and a newly restored barn with organic garden. I loved the idea of all of our wedding party and family staying in the house whil e cute bed-and-breakfasts nearby would suffice for the other guests. But there were two things I couldn't quite latch on to: 1) There wasn't anywhere to have a private, secluded ceremony. The farmhouse sits just above the busiest road in town (Okay, not that busy. It's Vermont, but still.) and the ceremony would have to be on the hill overlooking the road and town. Or, the road and town would be looking up at you. 2) The three-story barn was still under construction. The reception venue was planned for the second floor which had a flat ceiling because of the third floor above it, thus ruining any novelty of celebrating in a barn structure. I want high ceilings, people. And, visiting the farm was my first time in Vermont and I was starting to feel like I wanted some connection to my locale of choice.

The field across from Mr. CB's family-friend's house in Upstate NY

A few days later, in New York, we decided to check out a few venues that didn't have barns at all. The first was Mr. CB's family friend's new lake home--also under construction--about twenty minutes from Mr. CB's hometown. There was a beautiful field on the lake (pictured, right) with a couple of trees I could totally see saying "I Do" under, but the lawn in front of the house didn't seem big enough. Plus the idea of bringing in every table, chair, fork, knife, speaker, and light was enough to make me say no. As generous as the offer to use the house was.

Berry Hill Gardens Trellis

The second venue was actually recommended by a bridesmaid who had driven up for the engagement party from New York City. She stayed in a sweet little bed-and-breakfast called Berry Hill Gardens bed-and-breakfast. The five-bedroom house was a little outdated, but the gardens in front were stunning with a trellis to use as an aisle and flowers everywhere. Talk about not needing to decorate. But, alas, this didn't feel right either.

Hyde Hall in Cooperstown, New York

The third place we went in New York has a bit of family history--Mr. CB's great-grandmother had been a caretaker on this amazing property: Hyde Hall near Cooperstown, NY. Hyde Hall is a historic mansion on a grassy hill overlooking Otsego Lake in the Finger Lakes region. After rushing around the grounds, on our way to the airport, I was ready to say yes. The views were fabulous for the ceremony, the mossy, marble building had the perfect amount of history creeping up its walls, and I loved the family-tie. Plus, this was the first place we'd seen that didn't have any construction going on. But, Mr. CB didn't like the idea of paying a site fee that came with absolutely nothing but the grounds. Hmph. This was proving to be difficult...

The Women Who Came Before Me

Unlike the title would imply, this post is not about my mother, my grandmother, or even my great-grandmother. Not that I didn't like my mom's wedding--she got married in a chapel on a grassy knoll over the ocean in Malibu. Not too shabby. I even looked into a venue nearby, a venue I'd dreamed about since I was a child playing in the sand on the beach that it borders: The Adamson House, a historic spanish-style casa that edges right up to the most popular surfing beach in Los Angeles. Turns out, The Adamson House was ridiculously out of our budget and, in the moment I found that out, it dispelled any dreams of getting married in my hometown of Los Angeles. Okay, true, I didn't look very hard, but when I get my heart set on something, I have trouble seeing anything else.

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Until I started sifting through design blogs and magazines and falling hopelessly in love with all things barefoot, earthy, rustic, wide open and natural. I feel warmth when I think about these ideas, especially within an industry that mass produces all things uptight, too-poised, well-coiffed, and picture perfect. Thus, Mr. Cowboy Boot and I decided all we need is a field for our ceremony and a barn for all of our friends and family to gather and dance.

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Mr. CB is the main reason for our choice. He's a country boy who grew up amidst maple- and apple-trees, who had dirt under his fingernails every afternoon as a child, and has taught me how to plant trees, build fires, and walk barefoot in the grass. His love for barns was born because he grew up in one. His father renovated a barn into their home with his own two hands so we feel like this structure is very meaningful to celebrate in.

The second seed of inspiration comes from a couple brides I came across who pulled off warm, unique, and country-inspired celebrations of their own. The first was Maie and Jim, a couple who got married in upstate New York, where Mr. CB is from, on a private estate. That launched my search for an estate, a farm, a lodge, a summer camp, anywhere we could rent out for all of our guests to gather for the entire weekend. They pulled off details I'd never seen before: hay as benches during the ceremony and antique doors as an alter of sorts. Not to mention her Monique Lhuillier gown had me drooling at my computer.

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The second bride I saw was featured on Once Wed, a favorite blog of mine, under the name "Oh My Deer." That also happens to be the eponymous name of her shop on etsy.com, an "ebay" for people selling crafts and homemade goods. The thing I love about Chelsea and Tec's wedding was the way all of their friends and family members became a part of the wedding by contributing things (a great budgeting tool). The trinkets on the tables were donated by friends, the trees on the tables debuted at her sister's wedding, and the property was also a friends. Chelsea's designs inspired me to be unique, collect vintage bottles and tins as vases, and mainly, she taught me not to worry about it looking so "pulled together." If each thing has a reason for being there, it will all fall into place.

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My mom still tells me stories about her wedding--how she doesn't remember ever feeling the pressure that brides do now, to pull off some overly-designed event. She hardly remembers where she got her flowers, she mentions the chapel being donated to my father and her, and that her dress, a long-sleeved, Victorian-style gown (that still sits yellowing in her closet) cost $300 from a store ironically named Country Bride. Maybe the lesson here is one from her: It's been over thirty years since my parents had their humble celebration and they're still married. Regardless of cost or showiness, their wedding was a symbol of their love, and that's what stands strong in her memory.

Which brides have inspired your wedding? Are they friends or did you find them via internet? Which of your details were inspired by that bride?